"Ex wife: "I brought him into this world so I should have custody of him. 252. he shouted. His wife was standing nearby watching him. Soon, a Labrador walks in, sniffs the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Because they arrgh! A waist of time. Statin Island. You can change your preferences. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. It needed a root canal. Is Google male or female? If you need a hilarious joke about animals - there are at least a couple of those in here. In his sleevies! Why did the restaurant hire a pig? Two redneck farmers are leaning over a farm gate when gorgeous girl pulls up in her Mercedes. The mosquito said that he had a lot of problems. I was impressed and asked: "Does he know how his so many greats grandfather lived for so long? Why are skeletons so calm? The first guy drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. 243. To reach the high notes! 248. Purrr-ple. My brother came back from school all motivated because he said he would be following a new diet from that day. ", asks the bear. 37. They were quite successful in their venture and bagged six big bulls. Where do birds invest their money? The handyman was wearing two heavy parkas on a hot summer day. Watching a fish bowl. All of the fans left. Disgusted by the fact, all of us complained immediately. Why did the tomato blush? The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90. They spray the rabbit with the bottle, and it comes back to life. He has actually become quite famous and when a TV crew interviewed about the reason behind this ability, the skeleton finally disclosed his secret: he could feel the bad vibes in his bones. 44. It's a knight light. What do you do with old German cars? A bookworm. Herein, we've rounded up the 50 funniest jokes that are so silly they're practically sunshine. The baa-baa shop. "See that over there? A Do-you-think-he-saw-us! Cricket. 56. 171. Theyre immediately taken back to a room. "Nervous, the kid asks, "How long do I have to go to school for? The globus. Why is it impossible to starve in the desert? 123. Both the parents reprimanded the little boy and told him that these things shouldn't be discussed over the dinner table. What is the difference between a teacher and a train? Everything you need over 50% OFF. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, "The soup is cold. The junk food of the comedy world, you can never have just one. ", Putin is held hostage by a terrorist. And this one will be too, because (1) I like talking, (2) I want to continue with the joke, and (3) I just don't plain care about what anyone here thinks but whatever it is very hilarious. He was looking a little green. The letter V! 285. "Einstein rolls his eyes, "It's about time". The two boys had never heard that word before and asked about it. What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? "I responded, "Inflation. ", 400 passengers but only 200 meals were loaded onto a flight from Delhi to New York City. What do you call sad coffee? What do you call someone who cant stick with a diet? ", The historians had gathered for a party in Cairo after they had discovered a new mummy. The potatoes were dripping with oil when the cook put them into the container. 40. Why do bees have sticky hair? What did the full glass say to the empty glass? What is the tallest building in the entire world? "I work for 7 Up! He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. Why did the poor man stock up on yeast? They are short and easy to remember. Why do oranges wear sunscreen? Do you want to hear a construction joke? There are tobacco spit stains on both sides of his pickup truck. When the father asked the boy after dinner why he had asked such a question, he replied, "Papa, I think worms taste okay because there was one in your noodles. Send Good Vibes. Put a little boogie in it. 104. Because the P is silent! A pork chop. But what makes a dad joke different from a regular pun? Dinner's on me. Same middle name. Because he wont submit. You know, there's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped inches from a shop window. MY wifes so stupid, the other night I found condoms in her purse, and she dont even have a penis!. While they were playing in their fort, one of the boys accidentally stepped in the redneck cousins finger. Its the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. A river. Two young salmon are swimming along one day. Soon, a Labrador walks in, sniffs the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Is it mine or the machines?". Data! A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. One says, Spit out your gum, and the other says, Choo choo choo!. The pilot came back as arranged to pick them up. "Don't you mean big pause? Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. 113. How do you know when the moon has had enough to eat? Shutterstock A New Jersey! It was only discovered after take off, when the flight attendants started going through their preparations for the meals. 220. During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento". 246. Where do happy lightning bolts live? I would have thought that it was very weird had I not realized that it was the singer Adele. Then why not share them with your friends? He was Low-key! 186. From what I remember, Bubba said, I stood up and said, Sure, Im game.. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team? Why cant a bicycle stand on its own? they are always good for a laugh! If you have friends as weird as you, then you have everything. To make things worse, he had to wait another hour in a line outside the tuxedo shop. As he was getting closer to the head of the queue, he asked one guy, who also looked and was about to walk away, "Wait a second, what is this queue for and why are you now leaving it? What happened when the computer fell on the floor? 36. ", I was in the library once when a man walked in asking for some ham and cheese. Redneck cousin explained that was the cool adult word that everyone was using. What does a pig put on dry skin? These (clean) knock-knock jokes, puns, one-liners and gags will get them laughing. Do you know why the other one didnt? 192. , A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Yeah, he replies, but at least he let go of Bubba!, A redneck sees another redneck carrying a bag. To get to the bottom. What do you call a pig that does karate? 229. What is a computer virus? You could probably get a good price for your clubs. Fo drizzle. The gravy train. Itll be okay, son. If you're trying to get a kid to laugh, there are lots of strategies you can . You can read more about it and change your preferences, A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. A facepalm. You spend so much time on the course. What did one hat say to the other? When the food critic says no, the owner decides to taste the soup himself but he can't find the spoon. Because they make up everything. It was near the forest so the local guide warned me that I might find some animals there. Launch. A big moron and a little moron were standing on a cliff. The second redneck says, Oh yeah? ", Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. 175. Funeral director, "Sir, it would cost about $45,000 if we send her home back to the states or $500 if we bury her here in Jerusalem. 237. 249. VegeTABLE. A week later, one of these redneck farmers says . data nugget why are butterfly wings colorful answer key. Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? It was framed. ", An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. Two crows were in a field when they noticed a figure that looked like a man in the distance. We have even more jokes that are stupid but funny to share with you. What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror? 26. What's a lesbian's love language? At sundae school. My girlfriend and I are trying this whole "long distance relationship" thing.I have to stay 100 feet away from her at all times. Funny For Dreadlocks Adjectives List of funny for dreadlocks adjectives to help modify your slogan. What did the snail who was riding on the turtles back say? I couldnt help noticing how happy you look, she said. He was good at bacon. Get the kids giggling by asking why birds fly south for the winter. Talk is cheap? What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? No cellphone", says the second crow. In inchesthey dont have feet. He sees a policeman walking down the line of stopped cars to briefly talk to the drivers. Do you know how fast you were going? The police officer says.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-3','ezslot_14',621,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-3-0'); The Muslim man responds angrily, I had no f***ing clue officer!, The cop, surprised, looks at the Muslim man in the eyes and says, What did you just say ta me?, The Muslim man apologizes: Im sorry officer, its Ramadan and Ive been fasting. I hope they will think they are seriously funny jokes! 205. Start writing! ""My God!" Lemon aid! An hour passed, two hours passed. What musical instrument do you find in the bathroom? A chocolate. What did the right eye say to the left eye? 241. A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table. 233. 271. Manage Settings And today Im taking them to the beach. His father comforts him by saying: Now, now. 142. She gets out and says "I want you two to make mad passionate love to me in the barn. Now I know I can handle the bad news. 109. Because they have a lot of spirit! ", Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. 177. How does a penguin build his house? 70. What the heck is that? Jim asked. 260. He leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there. I can even do it with my eyes closed. 46. Remember though if you tell these jokes when you dont have kids it is a faux pa hahahah. Knotty Kinks. Moo-Years Day! In case she needed to draw blood. Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics), Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out, 30 Y.O. Carbon and hydrogen went on a date. Then a cat comes in, stares at the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. You're the father of twins. funny dreadlocks jokes. Leave the pizza in the oven. The Penultimate Warrior! 25 You might be a redneck if you are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again. "God said, "Sure, just a second. The big moron fell off. Follow me on Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, and Instagram for all my latest updates. 256. Because it has a million degrees! The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. Let me send you my very best ideas, free printables, inspiration and exclusive content every week! It was pointless. ""That's weird," answers the second man. asked the operator.He replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive. Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper? Vel-crows. What do horses say when they fall? Because its so cool. My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole! What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? We have lots of holiday-specific jokes, too, including Christmas jokes, New Year's jokes, Thanksgiving jokes, Halloween jokes, Easter jokes, Father's Day jokes and Valentine's Day. ", A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table.His wife asks, "Do you know her? A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. "The bartender thinks for a moment, then replies, "Y, the long face. ", cried the man. What do you get when you cross a grocery store and a scientist? Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? The Best Funny Dreadlock Jokes | Funniest Jokes Topics Dad Jokes Dark Humour Memes Top Jokes Make your own meme Topics Dreadlock Jokes Related Posts Grape Jokes Family Jokes Taco Jokes Leave a Reply You must be logged in to post a comment. Chris James is black and has a British accent.Want to see more Stand Up Comedy? Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish.I want to go home, says the first friend. 239. But you need to wear these condoms to stop me from getting pregnant. So they have a Ball.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,600],'humoropedia_com-box-4','ezslot_6',196,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-box-4-0'); A week later, one of these redneck farmers says to his mate: Are you still worried she got pregnant? His mate says: Naw, not really. Then he replies: LETS TAKE THESE CONDOMS OFF THEN., Two rednecks were sitting on a porch. A redneck took his daughter to the gynecologist. To make some dough. (Closed), I Create Functional And Decorative Art On Functional Items That People Can Use Every Day, And Here Are My Newest 23 Works, Hey Pandas, What Are Your Most Useful Travel Tips? As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen. Did you hear about the medieval lamp? And if you have a house, you probably have a wife, and if you have a wife you must be a heterosexual!if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_11',619,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0'); Wow! Jim said, You found all that out just because I have a weed Wacker! The Dean nodded. A soccer match. A starfish! In my neighborhood, there was a couple who had given their twin sons very weird names. What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? We agreed and soon the coffee arrived. Why wouldnt the shrimp share his treasure? The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. (Gumball, The Loud House, Teen Titans Go) The amazing world of gumball, Teen titan and Teen titans Go, Adventure Time and even Gravity falls are. I sold my vacuum the other day. 85. The boy asked, Paw, Whats at? The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, Son, I dunno. 291. The past, present and future walked into a bar. We respect your privacy. The coach replied, "You're standing too close to the ball after you've hit it.". What do Martians like to drink? Why did the deer go to the dentist? 156. And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers, "You Are So Beaut-OHGOD! After an hour he loses his patience and yells, "Putin is to blame for this I'm going to the Kremlin and I will get rid of him! He stops him and says: Hey buddy what do you have in that bag?. Dad smacks the little boy and admonishes him for swearing and sends him back into his room. The mooooo-vies! 214. 4 What did Delaware? Why should you knock on the refrigerator before opening the door? Because she was a little hoarse. 151. What do you call a bee that cant make up its mind? He was so good, I don't even. It's got a rattle. 170. Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning. As I was fixing the car, the lady would cross the road and shout "Hello" at me.