Its a NO FLY zone! It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: Dick, when youre finished, can you mail back my container?. This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. 13. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. He pulled out a pair of running shoes and started putting them on. He wanted to move out of the barracks as soon as possible. What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. 'Never fly in the same cockpit. Anecdotes 1. In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. Theres a post recall and he has to go to work. Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.. Airline Club Lounge Paradise like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures, 59. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. She's been working as a writer, editor, QA specialist, and SEO professional for more than four years. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. The Soldier agreed, and when the Marine went to get his drink he started spitting in the Marines boots. After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. No, we dont, she said. But my fears were put Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. (Hang up. 9. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. A PETTY officer! The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. Aviation JOKES. Do not attempt to shave with fire. (pointing at the sky). 40. Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. Why didnt the troop tell anyone about their rank in the military? I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. They bagged six. Thanks.. You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? It was sheer brilliance. There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. Funny military jokes are a great way to bring some morale to our service people, so whip out a few of these military jokes at your next gathering of family or friends to get some guaranteed laughs. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. ", Warren always replied, "I know Joy, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", One year Warren and Joy went to the Show, and Joy said, "Warren, I'm 85 years old. Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. How tough? The Lasting Supper Adding one, came from my saw carrying ARMY soldier: How many Marines does it take to fire a machine gun? S | Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. Why does the military only allow dress shirts during ceremonies and events? 37. S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of a toilet. 11. I will take the both of you for a ride. What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? Dad got quiet. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? !" Marine: "Wait, stop. These pilots' jokes can easily be turned into a pilot pun and other airlines' jokes. She also liked her scotch. I wanted to join the Marines but I fell just short of their requirements. Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. Our puns and jokes are here for the soldiers as well as everyone else to enjoy. Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. You might be in the Coast Guard if you claim to have every woman in the port, yet youre at an ashore unit. Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. How can you tell if theres an Air Force pilot at the bar? Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. Air Traffic Control 6. Katees passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. It took the poor guy all day. Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time? Unless you can be Batman. 44. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance", To this, Warren replied, "Joy that helicopter is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Aunt Mary is an F-16 pilot A fifth-grade teacher told her students "I'd like for one of you to tell the class a story with a moral", so little Suzy raised her hand. Then one day I couldnt find it. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. Keep up with Katee on Instagram and linkedin.com. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. We recommend our users to update the browser. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. But other times, we also want some good clean humor with no chance of ruffling feathers. 4) At the real-life Topgun programthe one the film was based onthere is a $5 fine for any staffer who references or quotes the movie. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. Airmens mess, sir.. Im throwing up just as far as the rest of these guys.. Navy and CG Say HOOOOOYAH! For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. Do you know where the sensor is located? my My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: P | Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. A drill serGENTLEMEN! 2. Then one day I couldnt find it. If you want it any closer than that, youll have to bite em off from the inside.. 65. Why arent there any insects in an Army base? It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. 16. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. We are directly under the moon.. Laugh or cringe but please enjoy. Our pilots FLY much better than they DRIVE so please remain seated until the captain finishes taxiing and brings the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal, 13. I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. Hey, Im from St. Louis too! he said. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!, 21. 1. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. I am the PMC at a Dinner Night next week, where apart from my Boss and myself the rest of the guests are Army (from an array of cap badges). The Army will post guards around the building. Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? One of the reasons the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker so much is because they dont speak the same language. Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot? The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate. 42. Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". Warren and his wife Joy went to the local Air Show every year, and every year Joy would say, "Warren, I'd like to ride in that helicopter. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". What kind of grades do you need to have in order to join the Navy? A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. The Scouts at least have adult supervision. Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? U.S. Navy Warship: We are a large warship of the United States Navy. I thought I was on top of my game that day, Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. Dario Leone is an aviation, defense and military writer. Marine Approved is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associate Program. The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. He holds the bulb and then the world revolves around him to screw it in. Then came Dads ships turn. Want more amazing military jokes? Im 81 years old, he answered. On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? 4th of July 2022: Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation & Its Heroes, Military Appreciation Month 2022: Saluting Those Who Serve, Veterans Day 2022: Celebrating Those Whove Served. I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". I say again, stand down and divert your course. Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! 4. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. 15. Its got to be the Air Force because theyre U.S. AF! The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much . Did you hear about the big accident on base? A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. S | Almost replaced left inside main tire. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I asked. I'm impressed! In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. I was cold is not a sufficient reason for being caught in the female barracks. Hey, Im from Chicago too!. Whats the difference between a special forces member of the Navy and an otter? What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! Browse the list below to find a funny joke to tell one of your buddies. Officer: Thats no way to address an officer! "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a My granddaughter's husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his personnel addressed to Dear Sirs and Maams. It was received as Dear Sirs and Mamas. Phyllis Howard. A military captain saying I was just thinking Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out. USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. Did it work? The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. Me: Hello? Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. One night, he returned to the dorm in his perfectly pressed uniform, his newly acquired name tag in his hand. 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. A drill serGENTLEMEN! Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. Two Army second lieutenants started debating over certain distances. You would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but Ive heard that they cant keep their heads above water. 1. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. Home; Jokes; Pictures; Videos; GIFs; Runway 37 Comics; Weird Wings; Today I Learned; Quizzes; Jokes. ", Continental 635 "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers", 53. Some of the jokes on this list you may not fully understand or appreciate unless you were actually in the military, but most of them I think anyone can appreciate. I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! You might be in the Coast Guard if you think of Fridays as field days. Proceed at your own risk. As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation Aviation Humor 129 Pins 1y S Collection by STS Aviation Group Share Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Military Humor Aviation Fuel Aviation Humor Aviation Technology Airbus Boeing Airline Humor Airline Reservations People Fly Flight Attendant Life LinkedIn Aviation Quotes 5. Long Haul When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. 13:30 comes and goes. I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. Passenger Cargo that talks or Self-loading freight, 58. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. The tenant shook her head. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. Marine: Wait, stop. Later, I spoke with Mom. There was one particular sergeant that worried about everything possible. Military jokes! An Army ranger, Air Force P.J., Navy seal, and a Recon Marine. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. Explaining the use of the controls to a student "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? 27. Not long after, I had a large kettle of soup simmering. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. S | Engine found on right wing after brief search. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. What do you call a snail that boards a Navy ship? with someone braver than you.'. Ummm no, youre good, he mumbled. The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. A Recruiter Misled You. A lot of the jokes on this list I heard while I was in the Marines, but I want to give credit to our friends at ralleypoint.com and unijokes.com. Why, certainly, young man, he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters. Louis, I grumbled. Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas. You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. As for the rest of you, get down and give me 40 for lying!. More information More like this One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! Heres what they came up with: In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. These involve the army, the navy, the air force, and other security forces.. They throw out a pistol. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. However, even with full power, the little plane could not handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. Fighter Training Manual You know your landing gear is UP and LOCKED when it takes full power to taxi to your parking spot. The two lads objected strongly. We were inspecting several lots of grenades. Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. You might be in the Coast Guard if your idea of aromatherapy is Simple Green and JP5. Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. Well, one time, as I proudly puffed away at our NCO club, an older sergeant growled, Hey, kid, your candy bars on fire.. Do you want to hear about my plane?. Co-Pilot: What?!. When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. While everyone was concentrating on the task at hand, I held up a spare pin and asked, Has anyone seen my grenade?. ", 55. Me: No. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. What did the Navy dentist put on his license plate? Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. The c.i.a. Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. Meanwhile, the sergeant glared at the others. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. You the eighth, the old Marine answered. Chicago. What do hungry Marines eat? Rodrigues there? 4. Return to Humor Index. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out the military humor in the most serious sergeants. There are many branches of the military. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. Me: No, I dont. The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. Now, lets try it again! S | No 2 propeller seepage normal - No 1, No 3, and No 4 propellers lack normal seepage. At least SEVEN Cs! Ocean Pearl, I answered. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. But I had the last laugh. 33. He is the Founder and . One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. I just put them all together for your amusement. March forth! In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. Killed bin Laden. Why Do We Celebrate It? Reply: No, I say again. Our instructor approached the directionally challenged Marine and stomped on his left foot. She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! Dedicated To All Who Flew Behind Round Engines. A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. 39. A soldier and a marine were walking through the woods one day when they came upon a bear. StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner.
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